Last school year I attended the very first PTA meeting of the school year. I had been an involved parent at the boys' preschool (it was a co-op, after all) and had been feeling guilty that I hadn't jumped into the PTA yet. Finally my youngest was out of the preschool and into the public school, so I figured it was time. I went, I listened, and I hated every minute of it. But that's what involved moms do, right? They are part of the PTA! I didn't go again and I beat myself up about throughout the entire school year. As this school year approached I started thinking that I should go and be involved. Every time I thought about it, I'd cringe and feel tense. It didn't take long for me to realize that it was something I should avoid. So.....I said no. I am not going to be a part of the PTA at my kids' school. As soon as I said that (yes, I said it out loud to myself), I felt such a rush of relief. I have found a very limited way to help (I grade spelling tests every other Friday for an hour) and my kids like seeing me there on occasion. But I figure we all need our space and this is what works. Saying no was the best thing to do in this situation. I didn't do something just because that's what I'm "supposed" (by whose standards, I ask?) to do. And I'm not any less of a mom because I'm not on a board or volunteering for every little thing.
Over the last few months, I've had a lot (like, a lot a lot a lot) of friends begin home businesses. They are stay at home moms and have found something that works for them to make some extra $$ and be there for their kids. I get it. I did it too. Because I used to do that years ago, I would say yes to any friend who started a home business. I wanted to support them and I felt bad saying no. This is where the learning part of it really comes in. I finally started saying no just this month. I still feel terrible saying no and I don't know that those feelings will go away.....however, I realized that I'm not losing friends because I decline hosting a party. I explained that I have a personal rule to say no to these events, but that I am so happy they've found something that works well for their family and that I wish them the absolute best. And you know what? They totally understood! They weren't mad and they thanked me for my encouraging words. Because they are my friends, they understand that we are choosing a lifestyle that minimizes the amount of money we spend on things that we don't feel we absolutely need. I appreciate their understanding, and they appreciate my honesty.
As I adjust to being comfortable saying "No", I have found that it is effective for many things. I have begun to unsubscribe from emails because I am saying "No" to those sales and that advertising (and the inbox clutter it provides). I am working on opting out of pre-screened offers for credit because I am saying "NO!!" to more unnecessary debt. Now if only there was a way to opt out of political mailers to say "No" to the massive amounts of negative ads filling our mailbox (and seriously, what an absolute waste of paper).
I would like to leave you with a quote from Tiny Buddha's 'It's Ok to Say No' (if you don't read anything else today, read that post!):
"So today I invite you to join me in remembering it's ok to say no, and our world won't fall apart because of it."
Over the last few months, I've had a lot (like, a lot a lot a lot) of friends begin home businesses. They are stay at home moms and have found something that works for them to make some extra $$ and be there for their kids. I get it. I did it too. Because I used to do that years ago, I would say yes to any friend who started a home business. I wanted to support them and I felt bad saying no. This is where the learning part of it really comes in. I finally started saying no just this month. I still feel terrible saying no and I don't know that those feelings will go away.....however, I realized that I'm not losing friends because I decline hosting a party. I explained that I have a personal rule to say no to these events, but that I am so happy they've found something that works well for their family and that I wish them the absolute best. And you know what? They totally understood! They weren't mad and they thanked me for my encouraging words. Because they are my friends, they understand that we are choosing a lifestyle that minimizes the amount of money we spend on things that we don't feel we absolutely need. I appreciate their understanding, and they appreciate my honesty.
As I adjust to being comfortable saying "No", I have found that it is effective for many things. I have begun to unsubscribe from emails because I am saying "No" to those sales and that advertising (and the inbox clutter it provides). I am working on opting out of pre-screened offers for credit because I am saying "NO!!" to more unnecessary debt. Now if only there was a way to opt out of political mailers to say "No" to the massive amounts of negative ads filling our mailbox (and seriously, what an absolute waste of paper).
I would like to leave you with a quote from Tiny Buddha's 'It's Ok to Say No' (if you don't read anything else today, read that post!):
"So today I invite you to join me in remembering it's ok to say no, and our world won't fall apart because of it."
No comments:
Post a Comment